LIFESTYLE

New Beginnings

When I think about starting over, I think about what all can go wrong before I think about what all can go right. My biggest downfall is given into fear and letting my thoughts pull me down into a dark place. I’ve been working so hard, maybe not hard enough; but I’ve worked so hard to change who I am. When I look in the mirror I don’t like the person I’ve become. I’ve become what I fear the most & that makes me unhappy. Unhappy to the point I gave up on a lot of things that made me happy. I have to question myself every day about what makes me happy. Most days I don’t even know how to answer that question. I truly don’t know what will make me happy. I mean sure having more money, losing weight, having a career, etc. All those things would make me happy, but would it fix that emptiness I feel inside? For a long time, I just feel this emptiness inside of me and no matter how hard I try to fight it, it comes back. A lot of good things have happened to me, but those things still aren’t enough to feel the emptiness I feel inside. I try to brush the feeling off and tell myself it will get better, but it hasn’t. For the past four years I feel like my life has been at a standstill and each time I try to fix it, I made it worst. I definitely got to a point where I wanted to give up, but then I realized the world still needs me, my children need me, God needs me. When I think about that I begin to realize I have to confront my fear before moving forward. I have to face what scares me the most before moving on. I have to reprogram my subconscious mind before moving on. I have to walk in my truth before moving on. Most importantly I have to trust God and leave all my fear, worries, doubt, stress, and tears at his feet. If I want to get rid of this emptiness I feel inside, I need to turn to God. Throughout everything I have been through God has always shown me his mercy. When I think about what I’ve been through these past few years, all I can say is Thank You, God! If it wasn’t for God I wouldn’t have made it through half the things I’ve been through. 2020 has definitely been a roller coaster, but through it all, I am still alive and fighting for my peace of mind. So here’s to a new beginning!

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